Prelude Melodia Africana I by Ludovico Einaudi
Opening Words by Jeffrey Bowes
Here we have gathered to make another link in the chain of days that binds our lives in fellowship.
We bring our whole self to worship, with all the pleasures and the pains of our daily lives. All our hopes and dreams and fears are here with us. Our remembrance of days past and of people gone before us rests in our hearts. In thought and prayer, we gather our loved ones around us, those who are with us today, those who are close as neighbours and family and friends, and those who are far away.
We trust and hope that here there will be ease for the heart, refreshment for the spirit, challenge for the mind, and a way to make peace in our lives and bring peace in the world.
We offer our friendship in fellowship, our service in community, our care in mutual support through the trials and troubles of daily life, and our devotion one to another in sharing the high days and the happy days.
May we feel, as true presence, a spirit of unity and love, of friendship, of mutual desire to find joy, happiness, high aspiration, and a deep sense that we are connected as one with all living things.
This meeting is for a brief time in this holy day, a moment for renewal and refreshment of mind and heart and spirit. When we leave, may the blessings we find in this company go with us that we may be a blessing to the world in all we encounter until we meet again.
Chalice Lighting (you may wish to light a candle in your own home at this point). words by Jane Blackall.
We light this chalice as a reminder of the tradition that holds us,
and the values and aspirations we share as a community:
our commitment to the common good,
our care for those who are downtrodden,
and our yearning for a better world that’s yet to be,
where all may know true freedom, justice, equality, and peace.
May this small flame be for us a sign of faith, hope, and love.
Opening Prayer
Spirit of Life and Love,
Be with us as we gather for worship,
Each in our own place.
Help us to feel a sense of community,
Even though we are physically apart.
Help us to care for each other,
In this world in which Covid has not yet gone away,
And the clouds of war and climate change overshadow us.
May we keep in touch however we can,
And help each other, however we may.
Help us to be grateful for the freedoms we have
and to respect the wishes of others.
May we hold in our hearts all those
Who are grieving, lost, alone,
Suffering in any way,
Amen
Reading Gentleness in Living by Richard S. Gilbert
Be gentle with one another
The cry comes out of the hurting heart of humanity.
It comes from the lives of those battered
With thoughtless words and brutal deeds;
It comes from the lips of those who speak them,
And the lives of those who do them.
Be gentle with one another. . .
Who of us can look inside another and know
What is there of hope and hurt, or promise and pain?
Who can know from what far places each has come
Or to what far places each may hope to go?
Our lives are like fragile eggs. . .
They are brittle. . .
They crack and the substance escapes. . .
Handle with Care!
Handle with exceeding, tender care, for there are
Human beings, there within.
Human beings, vulnerable as we are vulnerable;
Who feel as we feel,
Who hurt as we hurt.
Life is too transient to be cruel with one another.
It is too short for thoughtlessness,
Too brief for hurting.
Life is long enough for caring,
It is lasting enough for sharing,
Precious enough for Love.
Be gentle with one another.
Alternative Lord’s Prayer
Spirit of Life and Love, here and everywhere,
May we be aware of your presence in our lives.
May our world be blessed.
May our daily needs be met,
And may our shortcomings be forgiven,
As we forgive those of others.
Give us the strength to resist wrong-doing,
The inspiration and guidance to do right,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
We are your hands in the world; help us to grow.
May we have compassion for all living beings,
And receive whatever life brings,
With courage and trust. Amen
Reading Called to Care by Celia Midgley, from With Heart and Mind
How often do we hear the words, ‘I don’t care’ – uttered with a shrug of indifference, or even anger? I heard them again this morning. ‘I don’t care about…,’ the man began, and I half stopped listening as he launched into his own concerns, the things he did care about. His vehemence silenced his hearers. It was not that he did not have a point. It was his lack of caring for another’s.
It is easy to say that we do not care. It is a way of not engaging with others. It is the way of the bully, of the demagogue. It wins the plaudits of the crowd. But it succeeds by sweeping aside others’ viewpoints and sensitivities.
We are called to care. Care about everything, the small and the great. Care about tiny plants and creatures, about large trees and rivers, about buildings and cities. Care about people you pass on the street; make way for them. Care about those you may never meet but who, like you, inhabit this world.
Caring is the more difficult path. It compels us to review constantly all that we say and do. It slows us down. But it helps us to balance our lives, and to take tentative steps towards peace.
Prayer by Jenny Jacobs
Spirit of Life and Love,
Here we are amongst our fellows, in a place where we feel safe, a place we know and where we are known, in a loving community.
With all the problems and challenging situations in our lives, nevertheless, we have the safe still point of this community, on this Sunday, in this place.
Let us give thanks for the stability we enjoy in our lives amidst our friends and families.
Let us pray for all of our brothers and sisters whose lives are not so blessed; whose lives and communities are devastated by war, by terrorism, by famine, by drought, by sickness, by climate change.
Let us open our hearts so that we can empathise with our fellows and feel their pain.
Let us remember and hold in our hearts those who have had to leave their communities, hoping to build new relationships and new lives in foreign lands.
Let us recognise all those things we have in common with them and with people everywhere; our shared hopes and aspirations, for a settled home, a safe haven, rewarding work, a bright future for our children.
Let us help build our society into a place which extends the hand of welcome to all those who need it both without and within.
Let us work towards a safer, fairer world for all, wherever they may be.
Let us live our lives in such a way that we always behave towards others with the same care and compassion we would hope to receive ourselves.
Amen
Reading Self-Compassion from The Gits of Imperfection by Brené Brown
Dr. Kristin Neff is a researcher and professor at the University of Texas at Austin. She runs the Self-Compassion Research Lab, where she studies how we develop and practice self-compassion. According to Neff, self-compassion has three elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Here are abbreviated definitions for each of these:
- Self-kindness: Being warm and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.
- Common humanity: Common humanity recognizes that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience – something we all go through rather than something that happens to “me” alone.
- Mindfulness: Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. Mindfulness [also] requires that we not “over-identify” with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negativity.
Time of Stillness and Reflection (words by Jenny Jacobs, adapted)
Strong Father God, protect us from harm. Show us how to care for those weaker than ourselves.
Loving Mother God, embrace and hold us. Enable us to love our neighbours and include all humanity within our circle of compassion.
Playful Sister God, surprise and delight us. Reveal the wonders of Creation and open our eyes so that we pay attention to the glory in the everyday.
Ardent Brother God, impassion us to fight injustice. Lend us your clear-sightedness and the will to bring fair shares to all.
Helpless Infant God, fill us with tenderness. Enable us to grow into our full humanity as we care for those who need our loving kindness, including ourselves.
[silence]
God, in our best aspects we evoke your spirit. Be with us, be in us, let our hands be your hands and let our acts be worthy of the spirit that inspires us. Today, tomorrow and always.
Amen
Musical Interlude I Due Fiumi by Ludovico Einaudi
Address Running On Empty
The title of this week’s service, ‘Running on Empty’, comes from the wonderful song by Jackson Browne, whose albums my flatmate played on repeat when I was at Birmingham Poly, many moons ago. And part of the lyrics read, “Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels / I don’t know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels / Look around for the friends that I used to turn to, to pull me through / Looking into their eyes, I see them running too.”
And I don’t know about you, but that is how life is feeling for me at the moment. For various reasons, I am no longer able to work from home on either Tuesdays or Wednesdays, so my available-to-work-from-home days are crushed into three days instead of five. Which means that on Mondays, I am blatting around like the proverbial blue-bottomed fly, trying to get everything done that needs to be done, on both the work and domestic fronts, in the knowledge that will be it until Thursday. And the MUA AGM is on Saturday and the GA meetings (at which I have various responsibilities) are coming up fast…
Well, that was what are wrote on Monday… since then, I have come down with shingles: must be a sign!
At times like this, I try to remember the importance of self-care, self-compassion. Of course it is important to care for other people, and I do that to the best of my ability, but if I thereby neglect myself, I end up “running on empty”, like the song said. Fortunately, I now recognise the signs, having gone through this cycle many times in my life. I feel tired, irritable, as though I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. My body aches and my mind is exhausted.
And so I stop. Just that. Stop whatever I am doing and take a deep breath. And then another. Then leave whatever it is that is frazzling me, and do something simple and mindful, which will re-centre me, bring me back to myself. Today, it was folding the week’s washing, slowly, carefully. I find it very satisfying to smooth out and match socks! Or take myself out for a walk in nature, which I always find soothing.
I am a creature of habit and have a very particular morning routine, which is an important part of caring for myself. Sitting in silence, walking in nature, and writing are the key elements of my start to the day. I know how lucky I am to be able to organise my morning to suit myself (mostly). On the days when I can, it sets me up for the day. And it does mean that I get to spend two and a quarter hours every morning (or nearly every morning) nourishing my body and my soul. Two and a quarter whole hours of time spent doing things that I like to do, that make me feel better about myself that make me feel more connected with the world. To me, that sounds like a huge indulgence rather than a discipline. Then at 9 o’clock or so, I feel refreshed, invigorated, ready to get on with my day.
And of course, it suits me, but will probably (okay, almost definitely) not work for you, because you are not a morning person, a Unitarian minister and writer in your mid-sixties with my particular interests… I can understand why others would look at this kind of early morning commitment with horror and loathing. It all depends on your perspective, on what works for you.
Nevertheless, I would argue that having some kind of routine is beneficial, if only for self-care and self-nourishment purposes. All of us have some habits – things we do automatically without thinking about them. However, we need to make conscious choices about these habits, so that we drop the ones which are not nourishing us, and make a stringent effort to cultivate those which are nourishing to us. Easier said than done…
I first became aware of the power of habits when I read Gretchen Rubin’s book, Better Than Before, and her follow-up book, The Four Tendencies. Again, it’s horses for course, and my regimented, disciplined start to the day may not suit you, but it works for me. My body, mind and soul love me for it.
The other thing which helps when we are feeling overwhelmed by the to-do list and deadlines is to remember that we are not alone. No-one – NO-ONE – is perfect, or has their life completely under control, running totally smoothly and stress free. As Brené Brown explains in our third reading, “Common humanity recognizes that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience – something we all go through rather than something that happens to ‘me’ alone.” And I find that knowing that helps.
And we shouldn’t even aim for perfection, as it is not actually possible. We need to learn to be kind to ourselves, to do our very best, and then be content. Rather than beating ourselves up every time we “fall short” of some imagined perfection, which is always, always, just out of reach.
My point in sharing all this is that I do not believe it is possible to care for others unless we first take care of ourselves. That may sound selfish, but it really isn’t. None of us can “run on empty”, or not for long. And the aviation industry agrees with me – think of the advice to put on your own oxygen mask before you put on your children’s, in the event of an emergency mid-air. The message is the same – unless we care for ourselves, we will not be able to care for others. And so, I do what works for me.
I love the reminder given by Richard Gilbert, whose words I shared as our first reading. “Be gentle with one another… / Who of us can look inside another and know / What is there of hope and hurt, or promise and pain? / Who can know from what far places each has come / Or to what far places each may hope to go?”
We can’t… but it is so very easy to judge others by what we see and read on the surface. Gilbert tells us to “Handle with exceeding, tender care, for there are / Human beings, there within. / Human beings, vulnerable as we are vulnerable; / Who feel as we feel, / Who hurt as we hurt.”
So we need to care for each other. Unless we walk through life with our eyes, minds and hearts shut, we will inevitably be influenced and changed by the actions and words of people with whom we come into contact, whether it is a casual encounter in the street, a member of our family, or of our spiritual community. And, of course, our actions and words influence everyone else. I suppose another way of putting it would be to quote John Donne’s famous meditation: “No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, … any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”
We are all human beings, we are all members of many communities – our families, our friends, our colleagues, our church – and we are all members of the human race. What difference can we, as individuals, make to those communities? We need to be aware that we are in a living relationship with the rest of the world, and that our words and actions can influence the fate of that world and its inhabitants, our fellow human beings, not to mention all the other living things. Whether our influence is for good or ill is up to us.
Which means being alert, being aware, being conscious of our part in the world, and our possible influence on it, not just on Sundays, but every day of the week, every minute of the day. Quite a challenge, but we can do it, if we truly want to. We may be small in number, but that doesn’t mean that we cannot be great in heart, that we cannot bear witness to the power of love, and “thus strengthen the living and loving of others”, as Philip Hewett once wrote in The Unitarian Way.
I’d like to finish by sharing the words of the beautiful prayer written by Unitarian minister, Celia Midgley:
“Loving God, help us to love
Our neighbour as ourselves.
Create in us a tender heart for all that lives,
For all that may grow.
Make us aware of the fragility
And potential of human beings.
Let our passion ever be tempered with kindness,
Our lives with humility,
And however hard the path
May caring be our calling.”
Whether it is for each other, for ourselves or for our world, may caring be our calling. Amen
Closing Words
Spirit of Life and Love,
our time together is drawing to a close.
May we learn to care for each other,
care for ourselves, and care for our planet.
May we return to our everyday world refreshed,
may we share the love we feel,
may we look out for each other, and our world,
and may we keep up our hearts,
now and in the days to come, Amen
Postlude Stella del Mattino by Ludovico Einaudi