Prelude Melodia Africana I by Ludovico Einaudi
Opening Words by William F. Schulz
This is the mission of our faith:
to teach the fragile art of hospitality;
to revere both the critical mind and the generous heart;
to prove that diversity need not mean divisiveness;
and to be witness to all
that we must hold the whole world in our hands.
Chalice Lighting (you may wish to light a candle in your own home at this point. I will be lighting my chalice for worship at 11.00 am on Sunday morning) words by Lizzie Kingston-Harrison
We light this chalice for the people who are not in the room.
May our circle of light fall upon those on the margins; the vulnerable and forgotten, those trapped at home by illness and age, those who feel judged, excluded, ashamed, in pain.
May our warmth hold those with precarious lives; carers and struggling parents, those juggling work, life, and bills, the exhausted and burnt out, anyone who is just trying to get through the day.
May our flame inspire those who share our principles and feel they carry the grief of the world alone; may they find us and may we be stronger together.
May we go out and walk beside those who are not in the room. May we do this sacred work with open arms, may we break down the walls, and hold all in our expansive and loving embrace.
Opening Prayer
Spirit of Life and Love,
Be with us as we gather for worship,
Each in our own place.
Help us to feel a sense of community,
Even though we are physically apart.
Help us to care for each other,
In this world in which Covid has not yet gone away,
And the clouds of war and climate change overshadow us.
May we keep in touch however we can,
And help each other,
However we may.
May we remember that
caution is still needed,
that close contact is still unwise.
Help us to be grateful for the freedoms we have
and to respect the wishes of others.
May we hold in our hearts all those
Who are grieving, lost, alone,
Suffering in any way,
Amen
Reading from Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown
I’m a qualitative grounded theory researcher…. When it comes to belonging, I asked: What are people trying to achieve? What are they worried about?
The answer was surprisingly complex. They want to be a part of something – to experience real connection with others – but not at the cost of their authenticity, freedom, or power. Participants further reported feeling surrounded by “us versus them” cultures that create feelings of spiritual disconnection. When I dug deeper into what they meant by “spiritually disconnected”, [they] described a diminishing sense of shared humanity. Over and over, participants talked about their concern that the only thing that binds us together now is shared fear and disdain, not common humanity, shared trust, respect, or love. They reported feeling more afraid to disagree or debate with friends, colleagues, and family because of the lack of civility and tolerance.
Reluctant to choose between being loyal to a group and being loyal to themselves, but lacking that deeper spiritual connection to shared humanity, they were far more aware of the pressure to “fit in” and conform. Connection to a larger humanity gives people more freedom to express their individuality without fear of jeopardising belonging. This is the spirit, which now seems missing, of saying, “Yes, we are different in many ways, but under it all, we’re deeply connected.”
Alternative Lord’s Prayer
Spirit of Life and Love, here and everywhere,
May we be aware of your presence in our lives.
May our world be blessed.
May our daily needs be met,
And may our shortcomings be forgiven,
As we forgive those of others.
Give us the strength to resist wrong-doing,
The inspiration and guidance to do right,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
We are your hands in the world; help us to grow.
May we have compassion for all living beings,
And receive whatever life brings,
With courage and trust.
Amen
Reading Hospitality by Stephen Lingwood, from With Heart and Mind 2
Hospitality is one of the key practices handed to us by the Islamic-Judaeo-Christian tradition. In many cultures stories abound of those who have either embraced or rejected the stranger, and in doing so have embraced or rejected God. One of the most famous stories is that of the strangers who visited Abraham and Sarah, who gave the strangers food and water, and washed their feet. This is contrasted with the strangers visiting Sodom, a city that couldn’t have been less hospitable – they tried to rape them. That the author of Genesis says these strangers were angels, points to the message of these stories – that our relationship with the divine is defined by how we treat strangers, the poor and outcasts in society.
One of the key ministries of our Unitarian communities should be the practice of hospitality. We are communities who welcome the weary traveller with open arms. And we welcome the whole person: mind, body and soul. We welcome people with their doubts and beliefs, with their imperfections, whomever they love, wherever they are on their spiritual journey. The only qualification to our welcome is that those who are welcomed should also welcome others, and should contribute towards the welcoming and loving ethos of the community.
This is our religious mission: to welcome the stranger. There are many ways we do this: by demonstrating a genuine and warm welcome to the visitor at Sunday worship; by making a cup of tea for the homeless man who drops in at an inconvenient moment; by creating community for those who would otherwise be very lonely: the elderly, or international students, or stay-at-home parents.
Such work creates religious community, and it is my belief that such religious communities save the world. Never doubt the power and importance of this mission.
Prayer by Stephen Lingwood, from With Heart and Mind 2
Mother-Spirit, Father-Spirit,
Light of our souls, love of our hearts –
We come to you naked:
to know the love that embraces
each and every one of us without conditions.
We come to you with our doubting minds,
our thirsty souls, our aching bodies.
Open to us your grace.
Make us a channel and sacrament of your love.
As we are loved, may we love one another;
as we are welcomed, so may we welcome the stranger.
May God be made known in every true meeting of souls.
May God be made known in this community.
Amen
Reading Inclusion within Unitarian communities from Unitarians: Together in Diversity by Sue Woolley
Some were strongly in favour of it. One wrote: “Again, it’s in the name. We’re Unitarians. I know this was originally to do with the Unity of God, but that’s not what it means to us now.” Another affirmed: “We are all different and with different gifts, and we shouldn’t be prejudiced against people different from us just because they are different.” A third commented: “We should try to welcome all those who come with good intentions.”
Not all responses were so positive. Some were concerned about the “fit” with the Unitarian ethos. One wrote: “Anyone wishing to join the movement whose attitudes and behaviour are out of step with the principles and values of the General Assembly Object would, I feel, be likely to be uncomfortable within the movement, and the movement uncomfortable with them.” One participant suggested that “churches and chapels… have their own limits of time, energy, and money, and therefore will not be a place of care and comfort for everyone.” Another found “living the reality” of inclusion difficult, and commented: “For example, we sometimes have people coming into church asking for water or money, and I don’t know where the line is between being inclusive and welcoming and looking after ourselves and our safety.” One respondent stated bluntly: “Unitarians are NOT as inclusive as they claim; therefore they treat people differently.” …
While inclusion and equality are highly valued as ideals and many… strive to put them into practice, both in their personal lives and in their church and chapel communities, there is still some fear of the stranger among them. More than 80 per cent of respondents chose the options “Everyone is human, and is entitled to equal respect and opportunities” and/or “Our congregations as well as we as individuals need to be open and inclusive and welcoming.” Yet some were clear that there need to be limits about how open and inclusive and welcoming Unitarians should, or even perhaps could, be. Certain behaviours and beliefs prompted the definition of personal ‘red lines’ for respondents, beyond which they would not go.
Time of Stillness and Reflection by Adam Slate (adapted)
Spirit of Life, Spirit of Love,
Spirit of Hope, Spirit of Justice,
God known by many different names, yet known to all faiths:
What a gift you have given us by making us different from one another!
Each of us with our own perspectives and beliefs,
Each of us with our own strengths,
Each of us an individual treasure,
Yet so much more magnificent when we join together.
Guide us as we strive to know one another.
Help us to appreciate rather than fear our differences.
Give us the strength to stand up to oppressors and to the intolerant.
Give us the voice to be louder than those groups who seek to divide us and do us harm.
Give us the spirit to stay engaged in this struggle as long as it takes, even if it takes generations.
And at the same time
Give us the compassion to help those who do not share these values to understand this truth:
That we are one human family, and that love is the only right way.
[silence]
In your name
In all the holy names by which you have ever been known,
Let us say Amen.
Musical Interlude I Giorni by Ludovico Einaudi
Address True Belonging
I have recently been listening to a wonderful set of CDs by Brené Brown, entitled Rising Strong as a Spiritual Practice. And one particular thing she said caught my attention: that there needs to be the possibility of dissent within belonging. In other words, when we feel the pressure to be other than our most authentic selves in any situation, true belonging cannot happen.
In The Gifts of Imperfection, she defines belonging like this: “Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
In her later book, Braving the Wilderness, she writes, “The special courage it takes to experience true belonging is… about breaking down the walls, abandoning our ideological bunkers, and living from our wild heart rather than our weary hurt…. We’re going to need to intentionally be with people who are different from us…. We’re going to have to learn how to listen, have hard conversations, look for joy, share pain, and be more curious than defensive, all while seeking moments of togetherness…. True belonging is not passive. It’s not the belonging that comes with just joining a group. It’s not fitting in or pretending or selling out because it’s safer. It’s a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are.”
The other side of this coin, in the context of our Unitarian communities, is offering a safe and sacred space in which people can truly belong. Where they are not judged, not “othered” because of the colour of their skin, their gender, their class, their sexuality, or any other ground of difference. It is a fine line to hold – to be inclusive and welcoming, to enable deep connection between all members of the community, while not sacrificing who we are, both as individuals, and as a Unitarian community.
The German writer, Karin E Leiter, once wrote, “To be connected without being bound – that is the art of living.” I believe this is a very appropriate quotation for Unitarians to reflect on. Because for me, the ability to be connected to my Unitarian community without being bound by a doctrinal creed is what makes it special. We share the values of respecting freedom of belief, based on an individual’s reason, conscience and lived experience, and do our level best to not only tolerate, but also accept and respect, the beliefs of others, even when we do not share them (so long as they do not harm any person or other living thing). In other words, we can dissent from each other’s beliefs, and even welcome their diversity. As Francis David wrote, “We need not think alike to love alike.”
The majority of faith traditions require their members to sign up to a particular set of beliefs. Unitarians (and Quakers) are different. For example, the fifth Quaker Advice says (in part): “While respecting the experiences and opinions of others, do not be afraid to say what you have found and what you value. Appreciate that doubt and questioning can also lead to spiritual growth and to a greater awareness of the Light that is in us all.”
But my favourite Quaker Advice about being in community without being bound is number 17: “Do you respect that of God in everyone though it may be expressed in unfamiliar ways or be difficult to discern? Each of us has a particular experience of God and each must find the way to be true to it. When words are strange or disturbing to you, try to sense where they come from and what has nourished the lives of others. Listen patiently and seek the truth which other people’s opinions may contain for you. Avoid hurtful criticism and provocative language. Do not allow the strength of your convictions to betray you into making statements or allegations that are unfair or untrue. Think it possible that you may be mistaken.”
I believe that this is a very civilised approach to being in community. It is about respect, patience and empathy. Which is how we connect with one another on a deep level. And, theologically at least, Unitarians are quite good at this. But not so much, perhaps, at being inclusive of people in their entirety, as Stephen Lingwood says we should be. This became clear from the answers to my question about inclusion in the survey I carried out in 2017, as our third reading showed. While we revere the ideals of inclusion and equality, we’re not so good at implementing them.
Last July, I did a service about inclusivity, in which I wrote, “At our General Assembly meetings last April, Rev Winnie Gordon, minister of New Meeting, Birmingham, delivered an inspirational address during the Anniversary Service, on the theme of why we, as Unitarians, should practice, and fight for, inclusivity. [She] detailed the many injustices suffered by all the marginalised sections in our society, saying, “While humanitarian budgets are tightening, food insecurity injustice is worldwide. Climate change, wars, poverty, and dictatorships cause mass migration like we have never seen. Closer to home, the energy and the cost of living emergenc[ies] escalated the crisis for the marginalised. Low pay and no-contract employment perpetuate a cycle of poverty injustice. Recorded sexual offences in the UK hit their highest levels in 2022. Misogyny injustice is also rising, with 96% of recorded female victims killed by male suspects. LGBTQ+ injustice is rife, with hate crimes doubling in the last five years. A full 12% of reported hate crimes were committed against transgender people.”
She went on to share an updated (and sobering) version of the famous words of Martin Niemöller:
“First they came for the trans people, and I did not speak out –
because they had complicated issues, and I was fearful.
Then they came for the environmentalists, and I did not speak out –
because I was sick of their roadblock campaigns and train delays.
Then they came for the refugees, and I did not speak out –
because they told me boat arrivals were not true refugees,
and anyway, there were better legal ways to arrive.
Then they came for me – and there was no-one left to speak out for me.”
Her address was incredibly powerful and left everyone who heard it with an enhanced appreciation of the myriad ways in which people are excluded from our society. And sadly, in some cases, from our Unitarian congregations.
True belonging is an increasingly rare and precious commodity. Human beings have a distressing (yet understandable, because it comes from a place of fear) tendency to divide the world into “us” and “them” and to put up barriers to keep out anyone who doesn’t agree with them. As Brené Brown explains, “We’re in a spiritual crisis, and the key to building a true belonging practice is maintaining our belief in inextricable human connection. That connection – the spirit that flows between us and every other human in the world – is not something that can be broken; however, our belief in the connection is constantly tested and repeatedly severed. When our belief that there’s something greater than us, something rooted in love and compassion, breaks, we are more likely to retreat to our bunkers, to hate from afar, to tolerate bullshit, to dehumanize others.”
I think that being aware of this may help us to move beyond it, and to embrace true belonging, for ourselves and others. I hope so… because the world needs people who are able to move beyond their fear of “the other”, who are able to offer warm and sincere hospitality to those who need it. There is a General Election in a couple of weeks, and our screens and social media feeds are filled with politicians slagging each other off – no objective debate, no true belonging there. Point scoring seems to be all that matters. And I find that incredibly sad.
I believe that there is a better way of living in our society – a warmer and more inclusive way. When we begin to listen to each other, respecting one another’s views, even if we don’t agree with them, and more importantly, respecting one another’s humanity, our world may become a better, more civilised place in which to live. In which everyone may truly belong.
May it be so,
Amen
Closing Words
Spirit of Life and Love,
Our time together is drawing to a close.
May we embrace true belonging,
offering a safe and sacred space for ourselves
and others to be authentic and vulnerable,
without fear, without judgement.
May we share the love we feel,
May we look out for each other,
Sharing our joys and our sorrows,
And may we keep up our hearts,
Being grateful for the many blessings in our lives,
Now and in the days to come, Amen
Postlude Melodia Africana II by Ludovico Einaudi