Prelude Melodia Africana I by Ludovico Einaudi
Opening Words A Mother’s Love by Cliff Reed
We come to give thanks for the mothers who bore us
and nurtured us, to celebrate the love and kindness
we received from them.
We come to give thanks for the children entrusted
to us for a little while. Holy One,
be with us in both the joy and the grief they bring.
We come to give thanks for this wonderful creation,
for our Mother the Earth, and for the glory of life
in which we share.
Chalice Lighting (you may wish to light a candle in your own home at this point. I will be lighting my chalice for worship at 11.00 am on Sunday morning) (words by Cliff Reed)
May the warmth of our chalice-flame be to us
a reminder of the warmth we knew
in our mother’s womb,
a promise of the warmth we seek in this
community of the way of love.
Opening Prayer
Spirit of Life and Love,
be with us as we gather for worship,
each in our own place.
Help us to feel a sense of community,
even though we are physically apart.
Help us to care for each other,
in this world in which Covid has not yet gone away,
and the clouds of war and climate change overshadow us.
May we keep in touch however we can,
and help each other, however we may.
May we remember that
caution is still needed,
that close contact is still unwise.
Help us to be grateful for the freedoms we have
and to respect the wishes of others.
May we hold in our hearts all those
who are grieving, lost, alone,
victims of violence and war,
suffering in any way,
thinking specially today of all the mothers
in war-torn countries like Gaza and Ukraine,
and in poverty stricken regions around the world,
whose only desire is to keep
their children safe and fed and happy.
Amen
Reading from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of to-morrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
Alternative Lord’s Prayer
Spirit of Life and Love, here and everywhere,
May we be aware of your presence in our lives.
May our world be blessed.
May our daily needs be met,
And may our shortcomings be forgiven,
As we forgive those of others.
Give us the strength to resist wrong-doing,
The inspiration and guidance to do right,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
We are your hands in the world; help us to grow.
May we have compassion for all living beings,
And receive whatever life brings,
With courage and trust.
Amen
Reading The many names for Mother / Father / Parent by Janet H. Bowering
Blessed is the person who feeds and warms, washes, and comforts a child and soothes them in illness.
For they shall be called caregiver.
Blessed is the person who gives shelter and food, clothing, toys, books and tools.
For they shall be called provider.
Blessed is the person who opens doors in the child’s experience, who explains the puzzling and wonders at the mysterious.
For they shall be called teacher.
Blessed is the person who shields a child from that which will wither or warp, who protects a child from abuse and exploitation, who guards against bullying and scorn.
For they shall be called defender.
Blessed is the person who takes the time to listen, who is there for a child in the darkness, who is aware of the fears, who speaks the words of encouragement in moments of despair.
For they shall be called sustainer.
Blessed is the person who guides a child in the search for beauty, who encourages them at what is daunting, who steadies them as they explore new experiences, who fires their aspirations and their dreams.
For they shall be called inspirer.
Blessed are all these persons who help bring an infant along the many paths to maturity.
For in them is the future well-being of humanity.
Prayer For All Who Mother by Rev. Victoria Weinstein
We reflect in thanksgiving this day for all those whose lives have nurtured ours.
The life-giving ones
who heal with their presence,
who listen in sympathy,
who give wise advice … but only when asked for it.
We are grateful for all those who have mothered us
who have held us gently in times of sorrow,
who celebrated with us our triumphs — no matter how small,
who noticed when we changed and grew,
who praised us for taking risks,
who took genuine pride in our success,
and who expressed genuine compassion when we did not succeed.
On this day that honours Mothers,
let us honour all mothers,
men and women alike,
who from somewhere in their being
have freely and wholeheartedly given life, and sustenance, and vision to us.
Dear God, Mother-Father of us all,
grant us life-giving ways:
strength for birthing,
and a nurturing spirit,
that we may take attentive care of our world,
our communities, and those precious beings
entrusted to us by biology, or by destiny, or by friendship, fellowship or fate.
Give us the heart of a mother today. Amen
Reading No Christmas in Bethlehem by Cliff Reed
There’s no Christmas in Bethlehem this year.
No Christmas tree, no coloured lights,
no celebrations, no revellers…
There’s too much suffering,
too much violence, too much hatred,
too much resentment, too much oppression.
Too many people are homeless,
too many are refugees, too many are fearful,
too many are hungry, too many are sick.
Too many people are wounded,
too many are bereaved, too many are without hope.
Too many call on God and get no answer.
Too many babies are born into misery,
too many lack the medicine they need,
too many have lost the security of home and family.
Too many children have died,
too many mothers weep comfortless, like Rachel in Rama,
weep for sons and daughters who are no more.
There’s no Christmas in Bethlehem this year.
It’s too much like Bethlehem two thousand years ago,
when Jesus was born in a fractured, occupied land.
There was no Christmas then either,
only the birth of a baby who grew up
to show us it need not be this way.
God have mercy.
Time of Stillness and Reflection Mother’s Day Prayer by Kathleen Rolenz (adapted)
Spirit of Life and Love,
You’ve been a father and mother to us all
We enter into this time of stillness
With mixed emotions.
This is mother’s day–a day set aside to honour, celebrate, and in some cases, simply to reflect on those women who gave us birth.
Some of us come to this day with joy,
With strong and tender feelings
for the women who have earned the right to be called “mother.”
They not only gave us our lives, they are responsible for shaping our spirit.
They have fed us, played with us, nurtured us, listened to us.
They have given unselfishly for us. They have loved us unconditionally.
If our mothers are still living, we make the extra effort to stay in touch,
And find ways to give back a portion of the love which we have so abundantly received.
If our mothers have died, we take time to cherish our memories of them
Memories which may flood our eyes with bittersweet tears of longing.
We miss her…and we feel that loss even more acutely on this day,
While also being grateful for her strength, her wisdom and her beauty–
And the gifts of life which she has passed onto us.
For others, this day is not a time for celebration,
But rather, a time for reflection.
Perhaps we cannot bring ourselves to buy that Hallmark card,
The one that waxes poetically about a mother’s love, or her presence in our lives.
Rather, we may feel her absence, through death or indifference.
We may have complicated, difficult, unhappy associations with “mother.”
Instead, may we use this time to reflect on those who have mothered us.
The women in our lives who have shown their love for us,
Whether through motherhood or mentoring,
Those tough, gentle, truth-telling, loving, wise, whimsical women
Who have served as our teachers, our mentors, our guides, our friends.
[silence]
And on this Mothering Sunday,
May we remember the Great Mother that sustains us,
Whose body is the very substance of our existence
The very ground we walk upon,
The very source of our being.
Amen.
Musical Interlude Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy
Address Mothering Sunday
Mothering Sunday can be a tricky time for ministers, for any worship leader. When I first did a Mothering Sunday service, more than twenty years ago, having a loving mother myself, and being a happy mother, I was blissfully unaware of the pitfalls, and simply shared the joy I was feeling in my two young children. I wasn’t sufficiently aware of the fact that not everyone finds this day easy. Some people had or have difficult relationships with their mothers; others have lost a beloved parent. Some may have longed for children, yet have been unable to conceive, or to carry a child to term. Yet others have lost touch with a beloved child. If any of this applies to you, I am truly sorry, and hope that you have found something here today of consolation, or at least of understanding.
Each one of us, regardless of gender, can offer sensitive, mothering love to another. Libby Purves argues in her wonderful book, How Not To Be A Perfect Mother, which sustained me in my own parenting journey, that the very word ‘mother’ is a job-description that has little to do with gender. From the day your child is born, you, as a parent, are entirely responsible for their welfare. She lists the essentials, “Children have to be fed, clothed against the elements, conversed with a great deal, protected from evildoers and poisons, and given the chance to play and read and observe the adult world. They have to be educated, to take in the knowledge and wisdom their society has developed and encouraged to take it further as they grow up. They have to be loved and valued and allowed to bestow their own love on family and friends.”
I cannot imagine how difficult life must be for the mothers, the parents, who are trying to do all these things when their country is at war, as Cliff Reed’s words so poignantly reminded us. Let us not only hold them in our hearts, but also pledge to do something to help them.
For me, mothering, and parenting, is above all about love. Because becoming a parent (or acting in that role, which may later include looking after your own parents or a dear friend) is the most life-changing commitment anyone can make. I think it is only possible to make a half-way decent job of it if you love the person concerned and are willing to make their needs and desires a priority in your life. If you really think about it, this is also true of marriage and close friendship, as well as parenting – it’s all about being in relationship, about putting someone else before yourself, and not just looking after Number One.
Being a mother and being a father are two very different things. As Libby Purves explains: “All we can be certain of is that a father is not – repeat not – a duplicate mother… ‘mother’ [is] not so much a sex-linked word as a job description. Like accountant. Or MP, or doctor. Some fathers do indeed carry out a lot of mothering: cuddling to sleep, listening to worries about school, physical care, sorting out socks. But … fathering [is] a parallel – and distinctly different – function. … However much you switch and swap, there still seem to be two roles to play in a child’s life: one of them reassuring, one challenging and brave and gay. Perhaps, if there is any point at all in the concept of New Fatherhood, it is that couples feel more free to take turns at both.”
This is certainly how it has tended to work in our family.
As they grow, children’s needs change; our duty as parents to protect them is diluted by an equal duty to prepare them for the real world. To provide a safe bolt-hole for them is not only the least we can do; perhaps it is also the most any of us should do. As Kahlil Gibran reminds us in The Prophet, “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. … You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.”
In my experience, one of the hardest things you can do as a parent is to learn to let go. You’ve had this precious child since it was a helpless new-born baby, unable to do anything for itself. It is hard to realise that your baby is now a reasonably competent adult, who is quite capable of sorting their own life out and making their own decisions. Libby Purves again sums up this internal conflict beautifully, “You see even more clearly that although you long to be a strong protecting wall, the only way to do it is to become a jailer … to weigh a theoretical danger against an overwhelming love is the hardest thing in the world. Mothers – and a few fathers – will always want to protect their children a little too much; the saving, balancing factor is that the children themselves resist it so fiercely.”
“To weigh a theoretical danger against an overwhelming love is the hardest thing in the world.” Yes. This applies whenever we love “overwhelmingly”, whether the person we love is our child, our partner, or our parent. Love is about caring infinitely for somebody, yet not smothering them with our love, but standing back and letting them make their own decisions. But also about being around to pick up the pieces, should things go wrong.
I am now at a point in my life that both my children have grown up into adults who are emotionally and spiritually literate and are in a position to seek truth and meaning for themselves. And I experienced the enormous joy of becoming a grandmother last November, when my son’s son was born. When I saw the first photo of my (no longer little) son cradling his own son in his loving arms, my heart was overwhelmed with joy. And in the months since then, he has shown himself to be a wonderful parent, carrying out both fathering and mothering, in partnership with his partner. When she returns to work, I will be taking on a more active role as I look after the little one, one day a week. Such a joy, such a privilege!
I believe that mothering, that parenting, of whatever kind, is the most important job in the world. All of us need somebody we can depend on to love us unconditionally. As Dave Tomlinson writes in How to be a bad Christian, “Sometimes love is really hard work; on occasions it’s seemingly impossible. So it helps to remind ourselves that love isn’t primarily an emotion, but a choice, an act of the will, a decision to work for the well-being of the other person, even when it means sacrificing our own well-being. Love is not about pink fluffy feelings. It isn’t even necessarily dependent on liking the other person. Jesus told his listeners that there are only two laws that matter. If these are followed, the rest can be forgotten. The first is to love God with all your heart, soul and mind, and the second is to love your neighbour as yourself.”
He continues: “The heart of Christ’s message was the love of God. He brought to ordinary people – downtrodden by ruthless rulers – the sense of their belovedness. Each person Jesus touched knew, perhaps for the first time, that their life mattered; that they were loved and cherished.”
I cannot believe that he would have been able to do this, had he not experienced this kind of love for himself, growing up. So I think that the most we can do for anyone we care for is what Mary did for her son: to love and cherish them, so that they know they are beloved. So that they in their turn can go on to love others, as Jesus did. As we do, the best that we can.
And the sort of unconditional loving that the best kind of parents do, is something which we can also offer to others, who are not related to us by blood. Having been in spiritual direction for the last twelve years, I have hugely appreciated the unconditional love offered by my two directors, one a female Unitarian Universalist, the other a male Anglican. They have been with me where I am, have listened to my joys and sorrows, and their support and mentoring have enabled me to grow, both spiritually and as a person. I value my relationships with them enormously. I am now a spiritual director myself, and try to offer that unconditional love, that wholehearted listening, to my directees.
In our loving, let us strive to do the very best that we can, where we are, for our own families and friends, and for the wider community. And today, as the wars in the Ukraine and in Gaza grind on, and there are refugees from many war-torn or natural disaster-torn countries; families being forced to flee from their homes with the minimum of possessions, in fear of their lives. Let us hold the mothers, fathers and children of all human and natural disasters in our hearts and resolve to do all we can to alleviate their suffering. Knowing that the parents, like us, would do anything to protect and save their children from suffering. Let us open our hearts and our country to them.
May it be so, Amen
Closing Words
Spirit of Life and Love,
May we open our hearts to all the children in the world,
and do what we can to make their lives easier.
May we return to our everyday world refreshed,
may we share the love we feel,
may we look out for each other, and our world,
and may we keep up our hearts,
now and in the days to come, Amen
Postlude Chanson de matin by Edward Elgar